Bad: A Memoir of Good & Evil
Couldn't Call It Unexpected
Cyn & Tangents
Lead Paint Double Date Set Diaries
Moving to Mars
New Roman Times
Saint Red
Suspension of Disbelief
What Fools


Couldn't Call It Unexpected

By Jordan D. White

Well you can laugh at this sentimental story
But in time you'll have to make amends
The sudden chill where lovers doubt their immortality
As the clouds cover the sky the evening ends
Describing a picture of eyes finally closing
As you sometimes glimpse terrible faces in the fire
Well I'm the lucky goon who composed this tune
From birds arranged on the high wire
-Elvis Costello, "Couldn't Call It Unexpected No. 4"

" So you... thought you... might like to... go to the show?" Pink Floyd sang on the TV screen. Sean only half noticed Pink's faux-nazi, fascist costume; he was far too busy studying the way Cyn's light brown hair lay draped down her neck and shoulders as she sat in Kevin's arms. Her knees were clenched up close to her chest as she watched, riveted to the screaming would be dictator on the screen.

Sean had walked down to the local Blockbuster earlier that day to rent "Pink Floyd's The Wall." He had never seen the film, though he had heard the album many times. When he got back to the dorm, he asked Kevin if he'd like to join him. Kevin and Sean had watched a few movies together in the hall's lounge before.

It was half way through the summer writing program the two were attending, two weeks from the finish. Sean hadn't been so close to Kevin, just acquaintances, and while Sean knew Kevin was dating someone, he'd never met her. Her name was Cynthia, Cyn, and Kevin said she loved the movie. He asked Sean if she could join them. Sean said sure, why not?

Out of the corner of her eye, Cyn thought she saw Sean looking at her. She glanced his way, and he quickly looked back to the screen. She laughed to herself. He glanced her way again. She still sat looking at him, still smiling.

He smiled back, then decided he should pay more attention to the film.

Cyn looked up at Kevin. He was smiling a slightly foppish smile. It was one of the things she found cute about him. He looked a bit puzzled by the strange imagery on the screen, but the giant metal eagles and sexually active flowers in the animations sufficiently held his attention rapt. She looked once more at Sean, who failed yet again to stop himself from looking at her, and then lay her head on the Japanese cartoon women on her boyfriend's T-shirt to watch the film.

"Ooo!" Cyn cried, shortly, "this is my favorite part!"

Kevin cringed as Pink shaved his chest hair off, nicking his nipples. "Euuuh!" he said. "How can you like this part?"

"I love Pink!" she said, "If I was his wife, I wouldn't leave him for some nuclear protest dork."

Blood dripped into the sink as Pink moved on to his eyebrows. Sean watched in awe.

Time passed, and a few hallucinations, a fascist rock concert, and a trial later, the credits began to roll as "Outside the Wall," played from the television's speakers. "What did you think?" Cyn asked Sean.

"I loved it!" said Sean. "It fits the music so well, you know? And it makes the story clearer. Pink, an artist, is driven crazy by the wall he builds between himself and all his problems. I can relate."

"Except you're not nearly as crazy as that weirdo," said Kevin.

"No, I'm not," said Sean, "But someday..." Cyn laughed.

"You plan on going crazy?" she asked him.

He popped the video out of the player and back into its box. "I'd be crazy not to."

She laughed again. "This is one of my favorite movies," she said. "If I'd have known we would watch it, I would have brought my copy. Pink is so cool. I'm always a sucker for the crazy guys."

"Hey!" said Kevin.

"Not you, sweetie," she said, "You're just a cutie."

"Personally," said Sean, "I'm more partial to the crazy girls."

"Ooo, then you and I would be perfect for each other, both into the crazy ones, both planning to go crazy!"

"Hey!" said Kevin.

"Sounds good to me!" said Sean.

"I'll come by your room around 3 o'clock tonight, ok?" Cyn mock whispered so Kevin could hear.

"See you then," whispered Sean.

"Alright, you two..." said Kevin.

"Seriously, though," said Sean, "I had a great time tonight. What are you guys doing tomorrow?"

"What's tomorrow, Saturday?" said Cyn, "Nothing's planned yet. Why don't we all meet for breakfast and see what we feel like doing?"

"I'm in," said Kevin.

"Me too," said Sean

"Cool," said Cyn. "You and I will be hungry after what I'm planning for three o'clock." Sean grinned.

"Grrr..." said Kevin.

On Tuesday, a few days later, Kevin awoke around seven-thirty when Cyn finally got through to him that he would be late if he didn't get a move on. He went through his morning routine and stumbled out to his eight o'clock fiction section. He had a productive meeting. The class critiqued a play he wrote about a pair of lovers who meet in the park every afternoon but neither knows who the other is until the end. Overall the class liked it, even though they thought it was a fairly simple story.

Afterwards, he went to the cafeteria. Sean and Cyn were already there. It was ten-thirty now, and the two had been hanging out together since Sean had rolled out of bed at quarter after nine.

Kevin kissed Cyn as he sat down to join them for breakfast. "Hey, sweetie," she said. "How was class?"

"Not bad," he said. "What have you two been up to?"

"Well, you know us," Sean said, "Nothing but S-E-X."

"You wish!" said Kevin.

Cyn lightly slapped Sean, "Don't tell!" she said, "Or he'll get jealous and we'll have to end our 3 AM rendezvous!"

"What would I do without those?" said Sean.

"Masturbate," said Kevin, "Just like all the other guys without girlfriends! Cyn is mine!"

"Of course," said Cyn, winking to Sean, "Yours alone..."

"Alright, you!" said Kevin, and he proceeded to tickle Cyn within an inch of her life. Sean laughed as he looked on. Eventually the trio calmed enough to actually eat their meal.

Shortly thereafter, Sean had his fiction class. Kevin and Cyn went back to Kevin's room. He had a single, so his room was smaller than most of the dorm rooms around, but he liked the solitude for his writing. He didn't think he would've been able to concentrate with a roommate.

Kevin grinned at the opportunity to spend some time alone with Cyn. He loved hanging out with Sean, he was a great friend, but since they'd become so close, he had much less time alone with his girlfriend. They went over to sit on his bed. They began to kiss.

After a time, they wound up with their clothes off. Cyn could feel the heat of his body up against hers. She ran her hands down his front and between his legs. She held it, caressed it, and then she lay back on his bed, ready for him. "Do it," she whispered.

Kevin put it into her, and when he finally pulled it out, he could feel warm fluid leaking out onto their flesh. They lay back in each other's arms to rest.

Around one, they met Sean for lunch and decided what to do for the afternoon. First they went to the computer center to check their email. They hung out for a while to look at some websites. Sean found one that had Kurt Cobain's suicide note on it. Cyn had him print her out a copy. Kevin looked at some cool Ranma ½ sites. Eventually, the three went back to Sean's room.

Sean and Kevin sat at Sean's computer on his side of the dorm room playing a game of "Mortal Kombat." Cyn sat on Sean's bed, watching them, rubbing her hand along the soft fur of Sean's blanket. Sean had put Nirvana's "Nevermind" on his stereo and the song "Lithium" played while Cyn hummed along. On the computer screen, the masked villain Sub-Zero punched Liu Kang and knocked him to the ground.

"Good shot!" exclaimed Cyn.

"Hey!" said Kevin, "That was me who just got knocked down!"

"I know," she said. "You two are fighting for who gets to be my lover, right?"

"But of course!" said Sean, making his character lay an uppercut on Kevin's.

"Now you're dead!" exclaimed Kevin as he proceeded to launch into a furious campaign of virtual fisticuffs. Minutes later, he emerged champion.

"Yes!" Kevin said. "Now you two will have to end your little love affair."

"Oh..." said Cyn, smiling, "but of course. We were going to anyway, weren't we?"

"We were?" said Sean, also smiling, "But what about..." Cyn slapped him lightly. "Oh, yeah, of course we were."

"Alright, alright," said Kevin. "What do you guys want to do now?"

"Want to hear a poem I wrote for tomorrow's class?" Cyn asked.

"Yeah, sure!" said Kevin.

"OK," she said, pulling her spiral notebook out of her book bag, "But you might not like it. You probably won't like it. It's not very good."

"Just read it!" said Sean, rolling his eyes.

"Alright, alright!" she sighed. "It's called 'Didn't I Tell You?' Here goes: Walking down the road, I silently try to tell you. Arriving at the store, I can't quite choose the words. Browsing the new releases, it almost leaves my lips. Paying the cashier, I don't say a thing about it. Returning with you home, you never are informed. Watching you watch the film, I can't raise up my voice. When leaving you again, I smile and say goodbye. I still haven't told you. I wonder if I can. When I see him, I tell him. We go to upstairs. He tells me. Together, we tell each other. With me, he is complete. When I see you again, I may neglect to mention... No, I suppose I've never told you. I suppose you'll never know." The poem finished, she did not look up from the page. No one spoke. "The end," she said, looking up. "How was it?"

"I love it," said Sean.

"Yeah!" said Kevin, "It's great!"

"You guys think so?" Cyn asked.

"Oh yeah," Kevin said. "But what exactly... what exactly is it about?"

"What do you think it's about?" she replied.

"Uhhh, well..." said Kevin, "I guess... it seems like you, or the character, I mean, is, you know, keeping this burning secret, and it's tearing her up not to tell, but she's happy they can tell this other person. Is that it? Or maybe not."

"To me," said Sean, "it seems like love. Maybe unrequited, perhaps forbidden, either way, the character is with one person, but longs for another. At least that's what I saw. Or heard, rather."

Cyn leapt on top of Sean and gave him a huge hug. "That is exactly what I wanted!" she said, through a doubly radiant smile. "Thank you thank you!"

"No problem!" said Sean.

"Yeah," said Kevin, "I can see that... So, like, what inspired it?" He smiled, "You wouldn't be..."

"Oh, sweetie," Cyn said, "of course not. I've got an imagination. I can use it sometimes."

"Oh, I know, I know," he said. "Just don't imagine anyone but me." Cyn laughed. So did Kevin, but he didn't really know why.

Cyn's alarm went off at 5 am. She grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom to shower. After she finished, she came out, dried and brushed her hair, got into her underwear, bra, denim jean-shorts, and a T-shirt, put on a little makeup, and went out of her dorm. The students weren't actually supposed to leave their halls so early, but no one ever woke up to catch her, so Cyn didn't care. She walked across the large central green towards the field at the end, affectionately titled 'the end of the world' by the students there, even those only there for a summer program. As she walked, she could feel the dew flicking onto her legs. She arrived in time to catch the sunrise, which she had intended to do. Cyn loved to walk around in the early morning. She didn't usually see anyone, she could just be alone with the grass, sky, trees, and, mostly, her thoughts. She loved Vermont's landscapes. She took the long way to Kevin's dorm.

When she arrived, she didn't bother to knock; he always left it unlocked for her. She walked in and went over to his bed. Kevin lay on his back, arms and legs akimbo, mouth slightly open and his hair in heaps all over the place. She sat next to him on the bed and ran her fingers along his face.

"Sweetie," she said, "wake up." He stirred a little, and she bent to kiss him on the head.

"What time is it?" he mumbled.

"I'm not sure," she said, "I think about six-thirty, seven."

"Uhhhnng..." he said and repositioned himself for more sleep. She kissed him on the lips. He kissed back. "I love you," he said, and he was asleep again.

Cyn sighed. She sat there for a few moments, trying to decide what to do. Eventually, she rose and went back out into the hallway. Slowly, she went two doors down. She tapped on the door. She didn't hear any sign of stirring. She tried the knob. It was unlocked. She chuckled to herself about one more of the benefits of being in Vermont. The shades all drawn, she could only see outlines of the objects around the room, even with light seeping through the cracks. She crept in, past Adam's bed, careful not to wake him, over towards Sean's. He heard the door opening through his sleep and groggily looked up to see what was going on. He saw Cyn walking towards him, smiling.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," she replied, sitting next to him on the bed. "You don't mind a visit, do you?"

"Not at all. What's up?" His hair was a mess and he was only wearing a shirt and underwear, but under his big blanket, he didn't mind.

"Oh, nothing. I just came to wake up Kevin, but he's too tired, so I'll let him sleep until seven-thirty or so."

"Oh," said Sean. He was awake now.

She rubbed her legs a little. "Do you mind if I borrow a corner of your blanket? I was walking around outside and my legs are cold. They got wet, you know, from the dew."

"Sure, I don't mind." He slid over on the bed. She put her legs up and lay back, putting her head on his pillow. He pulled the blanket over her, up to her neck.

"I only need a little," she said, laughing.

"It's ok, it's a big blanket," he said, smiling mischievously.

"Well, thank you," she said. She looked at his smile for a moment before continuing. "How's your story coming along?"

"Not bad. I'm not sure if I want to kill Joseph before Tom or not."

"Wait, which one is Joseph?"

"The older one. The one who was dating Alicia."

"Kill him first. Definitely. I hate him. He's a dick."

Sean laughed. "I'm glad he makes you so mad."

"Make it painful for him. As violent as possible. Make the readers cheer."

"That's just it; I want there to be sympathy. I don't want people to like him much, but I want you to still feel bad when he dies."

"That'll be tough."

"I know, but I'll do my best."

"Good luck." She looked at him again. Her eyes had adjusted to the light by now. He looked into her eyes. They both smiled. They stayed that way for some time, each studying the other, memorizing the features they saw.

"What are you thinking?" asked Sean.

"I... I can't say," she said.

"Why not?"

"You won't want me to."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," she said. "Forget it."

"I can't," he said, "Now I have to know. Come on, tell me."

"No, I can't, really."


"Trust me."

"Well, I trust you," he said, "but I just want to know."

Cyn sighed. She looked away, at the ceiling, then back to his eyes. He smiled. "Come on," he said.

"Ok..." she said. She paused for a moment, locking his eyes. "I was just thinking about how much I want to kiss you."

He was quiet for a moment. "I thought so," he said.

"What? How did you...?"

"I was thinking the same thing."


They both lay there, staring into each other's eyes, silent.

"Can we?" she said, finally, "Just one?"

"We shouldn't," he said. "Kevin."

"Just one."

He paused. She examined his face, trying to see into his mind. "Just one," he said at last.

He leaned over to her and kissed her, his hand touching her side. Their lips embraced for a few seconds, then separated, and came back together for an extra instant before they parted once more. He leaned back to his original position, and their eyes met again. She smiled.

"How long have you..."

"Since the first time we met," she answered.

"Me too."

"Imaging that," she said, "love at first sight."

"Heh," he said, "love?"

They both fell completely silent, but their eyes spoke endlessly to each other.

"I love you," she said at last.

"I love you," he said.

They paused again to take it all in. "I... I didn't think I'd ever... I love you," she repeated.

"I love you," he said.

They kissed again, but only a second went by before Sean broke their lips' contact, looking away.

"What?" she asked.

"I feel guilty."

"Oh," she said. Silence fell yet again.

"What about Kevin? You're his girlfriend. He's my friend. You told him you loved him."

"Well..." she said, "I do. But it's different. I love him because, I don't know, because he needs me. It's like, he's not complete, he needs me to make him a full person. He has such intense attachment to me. It feels good to be needed so desperately. You, you're a complete person, but when we're together, I feel like we belong that way. Not like you need me in order to be whole, or I need you to be, but like we are two who are so complimentary, we have to be together."

"Yes!" he said. "That's exactly what I feel when I'm around you, but it doesn't change that I feel wrong for doing this."


"Why not?"

"Because... well, because it's right. It feels right doesn't it?"

"It's not the same thing."

"Well, too bad. We won't tell him. You shouldn't feel guilty unless you're caught."

"That's crazy."

"So? I thought you liked the crazy girls? Being with you brings out the crazy side of me. Why? Because you embrace it. Kevin doesn't like when I do crazy things. He gets mad at me for taking so many caffeine pills, he gets depressed if I write depressing poetry, and I don't even want to tell you what he said when he saw the scars on my arms. You accept me the way I am, you don't try to 'save me from myself'."

"Of course not, I can't, we're coming from the same place. We're on the same wavelength. I write depressing things, just like you, I know how good it makes you feel inside to embrace and use sadness like that. I've never scarred myself, but I've thought about it."

"Yes, you see? With Kevin I have to explain and defend myself. You understand."

"But that doesn't excuse stealing your friend's girlfriend."

"So, like I said, we won't tell him. The program will be over in a week."

"Cyn," he shook his head and sighed. Then he looked back up at her. "Cyn? Can I ask you a personal question?"


"Did you and Kevin... Did you have sex?"

"Yes," she said.


"Does that bother you?"

"The... Your... I don't know..."

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Cyn said.

"Sure," he said.

"Have you ever had sex?"

Sean blushed. "Well, no," he said. "I've only had a few girlfriends, and we never really went very far before we broke up. Besides, I think... I think sex is something to share with one you really love."

"I felt the same way. Kevin was my first time."

Sean didn't know what to say to that. They just lay there staring at one another.

"So what now?" he said finally.

"What time is it?" asked Cyn.

Sean turned over to see his clock. "Uhhh... 7:24."

"I've got to go. I have to wake up Kevin." Sean nodded. "Cheer up," she said. "I don't regret anything. You shouldn't either. I'll see you later." She smiled. So did he. She got up out of his bed and walked quietly to the door. When it shut behind her, the room was silent once more. Sean lay there considering what had happened.

After a few minutes, he fell asleep again. When he finally woke, he saw Adam dressing. "Hey, Sean," said Adam, "Am I crazy, or was there a girl in your bed this morning?"

The next few days were not noticeably different from those that preceded them; Sean and Cyn would flirt, Kevin would growl, they'd all laugh, and that's all. The only change was in the minds of the participants, or two of the three, anyway.

A few days later, after his fiction class, Sean decided to go over to Cyn's to see what she was up to. He walked into her dorm and up the stairs to her floor. He knocked at her door, and after a second he heard her get up and cross the room. She smiled when she saw him. "Hey there!"

"Did I interrupt anything?" he asked.

"Not really," she said, "I was just taking a nap."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You want me to let you go back to sleep?"

"No, no, I'd much rather be with you. Come on in."

Cyn had no roommate, but her room was set for two. There were two beds, two desks, etc. She went back to the bed she used and lay back down to relax. Sean sat down on the other bed, putting his book bag on the floor. He looked at her and smiled, rediscovering her beauty with each look.

"So," he said, "what did you do today?"

"Not much," she said, making herself comfortable, curling back up in her blanket. "I wrote a little for tomorrow's class, had breakfast, came back here, read a little, and went to sleep. How was class?"

"Oh, not so bad," he said. "We went over the last section of my story. They really enjoyed Tom's death. He has this bit where he talks about Laurie, how he thinks she might have started to like him, but of course, it's just before he dies that he thinks this, so, you know, it's too late. The biggest problem is with Joseph. Like you said, they disliked him so much they had no sympathy for him. I know what the problem is, though. I didn't like him either when I wrote, so when I wrote scenes with him in them it was really colored by that. I'm going to go back and add things into his character that make him more of a human being. I think he is actually going to be in love with Alicia, not just with her looks, so when she dies, he's going to react more. Like he should have saved her, he shouldn't have left her alone with John. Do you think that'll work better?" He waited for a moment, but Cyn didn't react.

"Cyn?" Nothing. He got up and stood next to her bed. She was asleep. He looked down at her, her hair flowing around her head on her pillow. He took time to look at every part of her face, eyes, nose, mouth, one by one, giving each individual piece the time it deserved. He knelt down beside her and leaned in close to her. He could feel her soft breath on his face. He kissed her. After a moment she began to kiss him back.

When he leaned back up, she opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you," she said.

"I'm sorry to wake you," he said, "I was just looking at you, and you looked so adorable sleeping there, I couldn't resist." He kissed her again. He smirked. "Besides, if you were really on me, I don't think you'd fall asleep."

She laughed, and shifted her body to sit up more, accidentally knocking something off the bed that clinked as it hit the floor.

"I got it," said Sean, reaching to the floor. "A razor blade? What have you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing," she said.

He smiled at her. "Somehow I don't believe you. Let me see."

"Alright, alright," she said, and pulled her left arm out from under her blanket. She turned it bottom up revealing two fresh cuts she had added to the older scars that adorned her upper forearm.

"Oh, jeez..." he said. " I... wow. I don't know how you can do that. I could never... I was always too afraid."

"It's easy," she said. "Once you get through the first time it comes naturally. I just knew that the only honest feeling I could have was pain. Thinking that made me bear it, and once I got through the fear the first time, I wanted more." She leaned over and kissed him. "You want to try?"

He laughed. "Maybe some other time." They both laughed, then they just smiled, staring at each other.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," she said.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked, kissing her cuts.

"I wish I knew," she said, her smile fading. "The program ends in four days, then you're going back to Massachusetts and I'll be back in Ohio, about twelve hours away from you. I don't want to leave you."

"I can't be without you..." said Sean, "but what about Kevin? I may be twelve hours away, but he only lives, what, forty-five minutes away from you? I know he's expecting you two to still go out with him when the program ends, he says it enough. Are we going to tell him?"

"I don't want to hurt him... I still love him."

"I don't want to hurt him either, but our problem still stands. How can we stay together without telling him? Isn't it worse to hide it than to just get it over with and to let him know?"

"I just... can't," she said.

"Then what do we do?" he asked.

"I don't know yet. I'll think of something."

A knock sounded at the door. "Hold on a second," she said, rising and crossing the room. She opened the door to find Kevin standing there.

"Hey, my love!" he said, and grabbed her. "Oh, hey, Sean, what's up?"

"Not too much," said Sean, "what's up with you?"

"Well, I thought me and the woman here had a private date, but, I guess she forgot," he said, tickling Cyn, who squirmed, giggling, out of his clutches.

"No, no," said Sean, "it's my fault. I just popped in for a quickie."

"Grrr..." said Kevin.

"I'll leave you two alone," said Sean.

"We'll come get you later tonight," said Cyn.

"Yeah, definitely," said Kevin. "What are we watching tonight?"

"'A Clockwork Orange.'"

"What's it about?"

"It's great," said Sean, "It takes place in the 'ultra-violent future' and this guy, Alex, goes around raping and beating people with his gang of friends."

"And then the hero has to stop him?"

"Well... no," said Cyn. "He is the hero."

Kevin was quiet for a moment. "Man, you two like all the twisted movies. Oh, well, I'm in. See you then!"

"Bye!" said Sean.

"Bye!" said Cyn.

Once the door closed, Kevin turned his attentions back to Cyn. "So, love, did you have a good day?"

"Yeah, I did. I just wrote and relaxed. It was nice. How was playwriting?" She sat down on her bed again.

"Well, I don't know. Not great, I guess. I wrote this new scene, you haven't read it yet, but it's this one loosely based on my parents. Well, I mean it's about a couple with a child and the wife runs out on the husband and kid forever, so, you know, that part is true. Then I tried to see it from her point of view, though, that's why it's fiction. Dad would never talk about what actually happened. It didn't really go so well. It's always been hard for me to understand why she did it, I thought this would help, but it really hasn't. The people in class gave some suggestions, but... I don't know what I think about them. I can't really see her choice as a good one no matter how I look at it. She had love with us, and we needed her, but she left. I don't know."

"Maybe just go with it," Cyn suggested. "Make her the bad guy, if you can't do it any other way."

"But that's the easy way out."

"Well, then, I don't know what to tell you."

He sat down next to her and put his arms around her. "Tell me you love me."

"Of course I do," she said. "You know that."

"I love you, too," he said, nuzzling her cheek.

They began to kiss. Kevin repositioned himself next to her, and they both lay back on the bed. As they kissed, his hands slid up into her shirt and began to fondle her breasts. After a moment, he removed her shirt. She brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair.

"Wait a second," said Kevin. He grabbed her arm. "You did it again," he said, looking at her new markings. He let go of her, and stood up. "I can't believe this. Why do you do that?" His voice wasn't filled with anger but sheer confusion. He didn't understand why she would ever want to cut herself.

"Sweetie, come on," Cyn said. "Don't worry about it. It helps my writing. Come on, don't cry."

"Why not?" he asked her. "The girl I love keeps trying to kill herself."

"Oh come on," she said, "I'm not trying to kill myself. If I wanted to do that, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I just... I just need to feel that pain once in a while."

"Why?" he asked. "I don't understand."

"You never will," she said. "Just love me."

"I do love you."

"I love you, too."

"So stop this!" he said. "For me!"

"I promise," she said. "This is the last time. Now let's forget it." She went back to her bed. "Come back over here," she said, taking off her bra.

With a sigh, he crossed back to her, and after a few minutes more of kissing, his mouth began to slide from hers down along her neck to her chest.

She pulled off his T-shirt as he unfastened his pants pulling them off along with his underwear. He then took off her shorts and the rest of her clothing. They lay back down, Kevin poking into Cyn's the side as they kissed. She took it in her hand and rubbed it before putting it into her mouth long enough for his warm fluid to stream down her throat. He then returned the favor.

Kevin lay back with her in his arms. He felt good, just holding her, not needing to talk, just feeling her body against his. He hadn't noticed that they hadn't actually had sex in a few days. She shifted next to him, and he tried to accommodate her new position.

Eventually, they met up with Sean and watched "A Clockwork Orange." Kevin didn't like it very much.

The last day of the program had finally come. Soon parents would be arriving to retrieve their children after a month of peace at home. Kevin spent all morning packing. He wasn't looking forward to going home, but he figured when things are over, there's not much you can do. During a little break from folding clothes, he went over to Sean's room and was surprised to find that Sean's roommate hadn't seen him all morning.

Sean and Cyn had been together since the sunrise, planning and preparing for the day's activities. By this point, they were back in Cyn's room, alone. They sat on her bed together, talking, kissing, crying a bit.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you," he said. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," she replied. "Are you?"

"Only because it's you," he said, " I wouldn't do it with anyone else in the world." He held her gaze for a moment, and then looked away. "I'm scared," he said.

"Don't be," she said, running her fingers over his arms and hands, "I'm here with you. I'll give you courage." They leaned into each other and kissed.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"I think so." They kissed again, for a long time, and her hand gently took his and guided it down to his pants. He reached inside and took a hold of it. Slowly, while they kissed, he pulled it out, long, hard, slender. She felt it brush her leg, sending a chill along her body. She ran her fingers along it, brought it to her mouth and licked it. Sean was already breathing heavily.

"Do it," she whispered. She lay back on her bed, ready for him. "Do it."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," she said.

He paused, looking into her eyes again, and then he plunged it deep inside her. She gasped, and then released the air in a tremendous sigh, a sigh of pleasure and fulfillment, with only the tiniest bit of pain.

When at last he pulled it out of her, he could feel warm fluids leaking out onto their flesh. She took it in her hand and with what seemed practiced skill, quickly drew more of the warm fluid out of him. He let out a moan. She licked some of the warmth off of her hand.

Their eyes met. The both smiled. Tears crept down Sean's face.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you," he said.

They kissed then. With all the energy left in their bodies and all the passion in the very essence of their beings, they kissed. Then they lay back in each other's arms to rest and wait for the inevitable departure.

It was later in the day when Kevin finished packing. He checked Sean's room again, to no avail, and then left his dorm to head over to Cyn's room. She was supposed to have come over when she finished packing, but he was impatient to see her; it was the last time they could be together before they left. True, he could go visit her when they went home, he only lived about an hour away, but it wouldn't be anything like this past month. He was going to miss her. The thought of spending a day without seeing her left him feeling empty.

He walked into her dorm and waved to her RA. He went up the stairs and turned down her hallway, but when he knocked on her door, no one answered. He didn't know where she would have gone, but he assumed she would be back soon. He decided to surprise her. He checked the door. It was unlocked. He smiled as he opened it, but stopped when he saw inside the room.

Cyn and Sean were lying together on her bed, eyes closed, embracing each other, their clothes and sheets soaked in their blood. Both had gaping wounds in their stomachs from which the warm fluid spilled. On the floor amid a red puddle lay a long, hard, slender, very sharp knife.

Kevin could barely breathe and hadn't the energy to stop the tears which flooded his disbelieving eyes. He braced himself against the doorframe and tried in vain to scream. Failing that, he turned and ran for help, for the RA, for anybody.

Cyn and Sean continued to lie in each other's arms.