Buck’s room. Jane and Buck are in the bed. Jane is masturbating
We shouldn’t be doing this…
I can handle four in one night.
No, I mean John.
It’s not that easy, I can’t just leave
John, I love him…
No, I mean fuck him. He’s a little nancy boy, you show him a little
pussy, he’ll shut up. Mark my words.
Do you love me?
What kind of a stupid question is that?
What do you think?
Jane slips down and starts giving him head.
Jane (mouth full):
Why don’t we-
Buck shoves her head back down, cutting her off. He holds her head in
place, bobbing her up and down.
So, wanna fuck again?
They start having sex. They do it for a while, Jane making noises of thrill.
Hold on a second… let me just…
He sifts them around, thrusting her face into the pillow, getting
behind her so they’re doing it doggy style. He starts them up again, keeping
his left hand on her upper back, pushing down on her as he grinds in; she
starts making noises but different ones from before. He reaches over and
grabs a beer. Drinks the entire thing, throws the can away. He picks his
nose, inspects his finger for a moment, eats it. She stops making the noises.He
grabs the bowl of pretzels from the table, puts it on Jane’s back,
eats as he fucks her. He has an idea, grabs the mini tape recorder from
Buck (mouth full):
When e’er my dick is feeling
I call up Jane and fuck her
I shoot a load inside her twat
And hope she doesn’t have a tot
She gives the most sublime blowjobs
And once my cock revives and throbs
Her legs and lips wide open spread
Enveloping my shaft and head
Then after four or five more humps
She sees the time and up she jumps
And topping off a perfect night
Buck orgasms loudly, spilling the pretzels all over the bed.
The dumb bitch gets out of my sight.
He is worn out, spent. He clicks off the recorder and rolls over, chuckling.
Well, how do you like my newest poem? I call it "Why I Fuck Someone
I Don’t Give Two Shits About." Is that too long of a title?
How about "Fuck No I Don’t Love You?" Or maybe just "Fuck
You." Or "Fuck Me." What do you think?
Jane does not respond or move.
Hello? Janie? What the hell…
He shakes her and she doesn’t answer. He smacks her ass. Nothing.
Fuck, are you dead?
She is. Shit. You stupid bitch. Alright, Let’s go, I’ll leave
you out in front of Johnny’s room. His girlfriend, his mess.
He picks her up, and his semen leaks out of her onto the floor.
Oh… fucking gross… let's go, baby, just
going for a little walk.
He carries her out of the room, dropping pretzels all the way.
Her clothes. Ok, Janie you… huff! You just wait here at the top
of the stairs near Johnny’s door while I-
Many thudding sounds, a sound like, for example, a body falling down multiple
flights of stairs.
Ok, you just wait there at the bottom of the stairs while I grab your
He comes running back in, grabbing her clothes from various places all
around the room, slips in his own semen, falls on his ass. Thumping from
Voice (from below):
Will you cut that out! You two have been going at it all night!
Nope, no two up here, just me, old Buck! I’ve been alone all night;
I just can’t stop jacking off! (He tries to sound like a girl) Oh!
Oh! Oh!! I just sound that way when I’m, you know, so fucking horny!
Just shut the hell up already?
Buck grabs the clothes and runs out the door, we hear footsteps run down
the stairs. Silence for a moment as he puts her clothes in her arms.
Jesus Christ, she’s left a trail
Footsteps slowly coming up the stairs, one step at a time. Silence for
a moment. Buck enters the room on his hands and knees eating every pretzel
that has fallen from her body. He continues to do so, until he accidentally
eats one with the cum all over it, realizes what he has done and spits
a whole mouthful out onto the floor. He grabs the half-chewed foodstuffs
as well as the rest of the pretzels by the handful and throws them out
the window. Once he has finished that, he wipes up the semen, runs out
the door, goes halfway down, stops. Pause. He walks back up. Enters the
room, grabs the recorder, clicks it on.
Thank God for Jane, and for her ass
Which sometimes shits and passes gas
But clearly meant, by Christ above,
For me to make a pussy of…
He exits, still dictating.
End of the Play.